Thank you for caring

I read one of the comments on my blog, thank you JH for caring so much. I miss those times when I could open up and talk to you. I miss those supportive hugs as well... just want you to know that I still appreciate you lots... and that we have to keep in contact 100 years later? pls?

This is going to be another disheartening entry. I didn't do too well for my exams this time round and I've been trying to pick myself up again. Too many negatives this month. It helps having someone to talk to..but that person that I need right now isn't going to be around anymore. I'm so sorry...I can't help but cry as I type. I really want to pick myself up and stay confident. I just don't know how... it's so hard going out these days, putting up a facade, willing myself to believe I'm alright. I hit the gym for hours each day, read everything I can get, work on my interviews and internship..but in between those idle time, I fight the urge to cry.. I feel so drained. I wish you were here.... to knock some sense into me.

Someone once told me I seem a little void of emotions, never really talk about my problems.. as if the world's a perfect place. I know it isn't and I'm feeling really really lost. No matter how hard I try to talk to someone about it, I end up being the one cheering myself up, with ice cream and whatever I can get. I think it's the insane fear of affecting someone else. People tend to be affected by each other and I don't want to be the one to ruin the day. I watched pirates today.. but now that I'm alone again, I let my guard down and cry. I miss having the best listener around. The one who is never too tired or too busy to be there.. I miss you so much. Why, of all people... why do I have to love and lose?

I know everything's going to be okay. I tell myself to. It's just this period of confusion and change but it's so hard... I don't feel confident. I didn't want to go out but I told myself that I eventually have to. There's the terrible insecurity again.. I feel heartbroken.

Dear Lord,
I dedicate this prayer to you. Thank you for what I have to go through, in trials, I grow. I've put other things before you but I humbly come back to you. In times like this, when my loved ones cannot listen, I know you do. Please help me stay strong and give me the joy that I experienced when I came to know you. Please remind me of the confidence I should possess because I'm your precious child. Thank you for treasured ones like Pei huan, JH, Caleb and Jas for reminding me of you. Please fill this emptiness I have in my heart.

Thank you Father. I commit my life into your hands. Amen.

I will not live an aimless life.... I have to pick myself up again..no matter how hard it is. To all who are going through difficult times right now, hang in there. The Lord loves you. You're not going through pain alone and you're not the only one... stay strong..