I wasn't prepared for it. I'm still not ready to accept the reality. To lose you just after you called me 3 days ago and laughed at my acute food poisoning diagnosis. You said I was the most adorable girl and that you have and will not stop loving me. I feel wretched. A part of me is torn. Shadows seem to cling when I try to break out of this sad zombie state. I loved you more than I told you and I should have told you. My foolish pride and loyalty.. you were more to me than a dear friend. You were full of life, full of passion. You were one of the few that understood what it is like to love something and you had the courage to pursue it. Time and time again you told me you would take my hand and never let it go but I never had the courage to place mine in yours. The last time I met you, you looked healthy, handsome and ever so charismatic in that stylish shirt and jeans. That would always be how I would remember you. It's so painful to lose. You taught me once that we all give and take in situations but how can I take losing you in my stride? You would probably tell me that this would make me stronger but I don't want to be stronger at the expense of losing you. I want you to be here, to give me the advice amazes me at your age, to surprise me with my favourite things, to go on dates with your gorgeous get-ups. I want to compliment your style and you tease me and ruffle my hair. It's so unfair... why you... not you, please tell me someone made a mistake...