thank you for not smoking

I had a chat with Jh last night. It's funny how I enjoy late night chats with him online. I found out that we're both april babies! He's a great person to talk to..encouraging, genuine and he looks like Torro! (kinda cute in a boyband sort of way) He remarked that I seem to have an almost perfect life. My family, friends and of course Louis. I guess I do and I thank God for it. I'm not the richest, or prettiest or most talented person alive but I'm contented with what I have. It's the simple pleasures we find in life and appreciating them gives me the joy each day. I was just packing my notes and little gifts from friends this morning and I came across this letter that Louis wrote the day after we had a time out because of my insane need for him to quit smoking. If it wasn't for Shuting and Mars, I'll probably regret my impulsive decision to break up with him. Perhaps it was an excuse from staying in a relationship after I got out of a painful one from Jeremy. I'm not too sure. I don't think smokers are bad.I've got wonderful friends that smoke..it's just that there's too much pain for me when I see a loved one smoking. Jem used to promise me that he'll quit. Yet time and time again I'll bump into him smoking with his friends. He'll have that glazed cold look in his eyes.. and he'll apologise and say that he really needed it. I understand the dependency behind it and I know it's hard to quit but there seems to always be a reason behind taking that cig up. It'll be because of me..what I've done..his work..etc Sometimes it's to the extent of him wanting to have a good time with his friends at the club..trying to be outstanding by getting himself drunk and high.. I carried that guilt whenever he said it was cause of me... eventually I got weary of it. It came to a point where I couldn't ask him why he's smoking. He would just try to cover up.. all that promises to quit just didn't mean anything.

When Louis told me he would. I thought I could trust him because he's different from Jem, then again he would still do it. Knowing that his good friends smoked, the ones he hung out with did just didn't help. Ask me why smoking is wrong? I can honestly tell you I don't know. I fear the only reason is that smoking is bad for health. It's probably like dancing..it's addictive and it is a social thing. Life now is just different from the past. We progressively become like the West. Smoking isn't a crime for those eligible. Out of my social circle, I think only a handful doesn't smoke at all. The funny thing is smokers these days are well educated, well dressed and attractive people. They're confident about smoking, open about it and to some, it's actually an accesory in photographs. You see women holding ciggies in pictures.. with that glazed look in their eyes. Perhaps I'm over imaginative or maybe it's cause I don't smoke and I watch. I wonder what it'll be like 10 years later. Will my children smoke? How would I feel then?

I don't mean to offend but God gave us this temple - our bodies. He didn't make us to depend on anything materialistic in this world but him. Is smoking = herroine addiction? Is it a drug..a milder version of drug addiction? I'm not the purest person in the world. I've done things I can say I'm ashamed of but time after time, God pursues. I believe many would go bah... I really don't mean to sound all righteous and stuff.. I just want to say that if you have any reason to quit at all..let it be the main focus right now. I know it's not easy but you'll have loved ones there for you.

There are times when I fear that Louis is smoking. Ting says it's okay to ask him cause she questions Mars about it. Ther's always this nagging feeling that one day he might just say he did and give some reason for it. He told me once that there will be times that he'll smoke because his friends ask him to, especially since he's not dependent on it now. I guess if I love him, I have to compromise on that. I'm really happy that he's done a great job so far.. becoming independent on ciggies.. I just wish there's a better reason for taking it up again. What is the definition of quitting? It seems unclear.. I think i can't ask for too much as well. Who am I to tell someone that he has to do something? It has to be out of his will.

Anyways, I've always said that I can't act. I took up this role because it's sort of an anti smoking campaign. If I end up looking like crap on TV, I think it's still for a good cause. Pick up smoking and it'll be tremendously difficult to quit. I've seen so many attempts at quitting but at the end of the day, the drug comes back to haunt. Ciggie companies are earning millions despite all the gruesome photos on the Cig packet. Don't make them any richer.. There are children in 3rd world countries that can make do with that money...